Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize