Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize