I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize