dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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