This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
