OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
