He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
