He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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