everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
