I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
