It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
