i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he fucked my hip out of place.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
