Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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