that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
