if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont even know how to be here
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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