can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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