so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
