please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
