i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
