new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
