If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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