he told me I talked like a deaf person
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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