Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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