if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
