Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my liver is dry heaving
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
