Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
