I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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