I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
