I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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