I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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