i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize