Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
