so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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