Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
