I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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