Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
