I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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