dude i'm inner monologue high
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Small penises have feelings too.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
