I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
