chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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