I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
