Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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