Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
