grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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