I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
