my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
