if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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