dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
