Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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