I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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