i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
