I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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