THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
