i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
