I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
