I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A+ Viking dick
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
