i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
