Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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