the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
