thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
