im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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