dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
