we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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