Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
