does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
