I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize