listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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