Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
