I met the friendliest cop last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
