So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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