Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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