he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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