Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's Friday. Sex?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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