weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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