I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this will be a night to untag.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
