First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
