You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
